Darkness before the Dawn
by Chicago Firestarter
Summary: Kelly faces the biggest challenge of his life... a face-off with a crazed husband. Just as things are beginning to heat up with Stella, her ex takes matters into his own hands. Kelly faces some dark times but the love of someone from his past will help him see the light. Eventual Linseride. Chapter 5 now up!
1. Chapter 1

**Trying to find some motivation to get back to my Linseride stories. I don't think we'll get to see a big Sev/Grant showdown on CF so decided to write my own. Hope you like! And, yes, I know I promised a final installment to the Need series, so hopefully this will inspire me. Enjoy!**

* * *

Kelly's eyes shut tightly as he blocked out the day's sad events. Jimmy's brother gone. And Borelli on the warpath. Severide had never seen the usually laid back young man so angry. All that anger boiling over on chief. Anytime they lost one of their own, he replayed his every move over and over in his mind. Could he have done more?

Now, all of that was looking farther and farther away as his hips moved rhythmically in tune with the beautiful woman beneath him. Stella.

He'd noticed the fiery brunette the minute he first laid eyes on her at the academy. His dreams of running his fingers through that wild hair squashed the night he snuck into her apartment only to discover it was "their" apartment… hers and her husband's.

Not his finest hour.

He'd retreated without an ass kicking and considered himself lucky. But damn, she'd never let on that she had a significant other. Or had she? All he'd noticed was that beautiful face and that mouth. Those full lips full of sass.

"So when I'm not available you make your move. Now that I'm free, you're nowhere to be found."

Kelly met that challenge with a resounding kiss. And a whole lot more on the floor of Molly's. It had been so long since he'd considered something other than a one night stand, more than a fling to release some tension. It had really been since before Shay's death that he'd had something real, a person he could think about tomorrow with. Maybe even beyond tomorrow.

Could there be happiness in his future? Real happiness? In recent days, he was considering the possibility that it could happen.

That too, was slipping into the land of a memory. What's his name was out, and he was in. that's all he cared about right now. Stella had told her dead-beat hubby to hit the road and instead he hit some drugs so hard he landed in the hospital, almost DOA.

"Grant was released," she told Kelly earlier in the day. "I really hope he gets his shit together this time."

"On his own," she added seeing the concerned look in the fireman's eyes. "We're done, Kelly. I am SO done."

Severide had taken her at her word.

He opened his eyes just long enough to find her mouth, pressing his lips into hers, his tongue brushing over hers as both hungrily escaped the world around them.

He needed this. Wanted this.

* * *

He sat in his chair listening to the sounds of one body landing on the bed and another body crashing on top.

He heard the soft moan he knew so well. He'd heard it many times. Stella. His Stella.

It was so quiet… he thought he could hear two heartbeats, louder, louder, faster.

He looked at the knife he held in his right hand, admiring how sharp it was. He tried to remember the last time he used it. Tomatoes. Yes, he'd sliced tomatoes. It was taco night. How long ago? A year? Two? A lifetime?

He sliced through the hospital id bracelet, the plastic snapping off freeing his wrist. His eyes were adjusting to the dark; he could make out the shadow of a man moving down the length of the bed, sounds of his mouth all over the woman underneath.

And those moans came again. Those sickening moans.

He smiled slightly, deadness in his eyes as he rose from his chair.

He was putting an end to one of those beating hearts. He needed to stop that incessant drum beating in his ears. Grant wanted to finish Kelly Severide.

* * *

Maybe it was instinct. Maybe Grant made the smallest of a sound as he glided over to the bed. Stella opened her eyes the second her husband raised his knife, her brain not accepting what she was seeing. She tried to let out a sound but nothing came. Her body stiffened as both hands tried to leverage Kelly over to her right side. She yanked as hard as she could but it barely moved the fireman as that knife plunged down. They say things happen in the blink of an eye. Stella would have to agree.

* * *

Kelly's back arched violently as ecstasy turned to agony.

Pain. Hot, searing pain shot through his back where the shoulder blade ends and the length of his body begins.

"Aaaaaaahhhh!" Severide screamed through gritted teeth. He pushed off of Stella who was scrambling beneath him. He flipped over just in time to see a flash of silver come at the front of his chest, slicing horizontally across his collarbone as he fell to the floor.

He was up as soon as he hit the floor, the darkness not allowing a good look at his attacker. His brain just beginning to register that he was under attack. Disbelief soon replaced with action. Kelly dove head first at the shadow with the knife, adrenalin giving him a surge of strength that should have never come.

Grant brought down the knife again and again even as his breath was sucked out of him, the fireman's head driving into his stomach, smashing him against the bedroom wall.

Kelly's face was pressed up next to Grant's with a brief second or recognition, but his eyes were immediately averted, searching for the knife. The fireman realized Stella's husband must have dropped it when it stopped connecting with his flesh. He knew this was a fight for his life, and he was fighting. He let out guttural sound, a primal scream of survival as his elbow connected with his attacker's face.

Severide didn't hear Stella screaming on the phone, begging the police to hurry, rambling about her ex, about a knife. He didn't feel the blood rushing from his body. Didn't feel any pain. He was scrambling on his knees, eyes seeking that knife, hands running blindly across the carpet. The seconds ticked by feeling like an eternity...Kelly knowing he was running out of time. He crawled frantically feeling around for where the knife had jumped to.

Grant was up now, rushing toward the fireman sprawled across the floor. He leapt at the dark mound, ready to end this man once and for all. Just die already, he thought as his body sprung into the air.

Kelly rolled over as the lights flipped on, a harsh brightness highlighting the look on Grant's face, going from elation to one of wide-eyed shock.

* * *

 **More soon. Let me know what you think. Hope I got my mojo back!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to my die hards for sticking with me! Your reviews make my imagination fly and my fingers type a little quicker. Here's a longer one for you. Enjoy!**

* * *

Kim Burgess burst through the door, followed by her new partner Julie Tay. She didn't know all the details, didn't know the caller was a firefighter at 51, didn't know another firefighter was involved. She did know it was a domestic disturbance call. God, she hated those. You never knew what the outcome would be. Most times she could calm down the fighting and arguing, diffusing a volatile situation in a matter of minutes. But sometimes there was nothing to diffuse, the domestic bomb had already exploded. This was one of those times. The fighting was obviously over, leaving trails of blood in its wake.

Burgess holstered her gun, dropping down to the shaking, half-naked woman sitting next to a man whose chest was covered in an oozing red mess. His previously white T-shirt was now a dark crimson, but most noticeable was the knife protruding from his midsection. And the eyes. Those lifeless eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Ma'am, let's move over to the couch. C'mon, let me help you…" Kim suggested softly, reaching for the dark haired woman's hand, the hand that was resting on the dead man's shoulder.

"Grant, Grant… wake up," Stella muttered, seemingly unaware of the officer now touching her hand.

"Are you hurt? Let's get you over to the…" Burgess tried again, holding her hand firmly, now grabbing the woman's blood-soaked arm.

"Hey, this one's alive!" called out Tay, suddenly moving ten times faster. She ran to the bathroom grabbing two towels and returning to the injured man. "Where the hell is the ambulance?" she yelled, pushing down hard on the guy's back, guessing where the blood was coming from.

"Aaaahhh," Kelly cried out, the pain coursing like fire through his back. He'd been lingering just this side of unconscious, but was yanked back to reality with that pushing on his wounds.

"Kelly," Stella mumbled, crawling over to where he lay, jerking her arm from the tight grip of Kim. "Kelly," she cried, touching the back of his head, her hands trembling through his short hair.

Burgess looked at the side of the face of the man sprawled out stomach down, squinting her eyes, recognition setting in.

"Who is that?" she asked, louder more demanding.

The paramedics rushed into the room before Stella could answer.

Kim was already on the phone to Erin Lindsay.

* * *

"Hey, be careful!" Jeff Clarke barked out as he watched his friend and former lieutenant being moved onto a gurney.

"Severide, you hang in there! Ya hear me?!" he yelled into the fireman's face, following along as he was wheeled rapidly along the tiled hallway. He figured he'd see one or more of his friends brought in here in bad shape. Firefighting was a dangerous job, maybe the most dangerous job. But this? Bloodied, carved up, fighting for his life because of some lunatic. Jeff wasn't ready for this.

Kelly nodded his head, eyes heavy, the morphine taking effect. He didn't know what was going on, sort of figured out it was Clarke talking to him.

"Get me another two units!" Will Halstead commanded, a nurse rushing off, no mistaking the urgency in his voice. He'd met this man before, twice. Once looking as bad as he did now. Another time when Christopher Herrmann was fighting for his life. He knew the firefighter was more fighter than fire and that might just save his life..

Will looked at Clarke's concerned expression… "We got this," he assured, smiling lightly, all Natalie jealousies forgotten for now.

It took a few seconds for Jeff to respond. "Hell yeah we do," he answered, his mouth forming a grim line, brows furrowed.

"Let's do this."

* * *

Casey paced back and forth in the waiting room, the unknown driving him insane. His best friend in surgery. His best friend brought in here half his blood gone, ripped out of his body with a knife. That asshole attacked Kelly from behind. Matt went from worry to anger with each lap he made around the room.

Boden knew it was hopeless to ask his lieutenant to take a seat. Wasn't happening. The cops had painted an ugly scene; the paramedics an even uglier one. They hadn't heard from a doctor yet although April made a brief appearance.

"Kelly's the strongest man I know. And stubborn," she smiled sadly. "That's going to pull him out of this." She promised to be back as soon as she knew anything.

"What the hell was Grant doing in that apartment?" Casey spewed out. "Didn't Stella kick him out? Didn't she get his key?"

Boden didn't answer, the right words not coming. He hoped Herrmann and Mouch would show up soon. Squad should be getting there any minute. Power in numbers. Chief needed that right now. Casey needed that. They needed their 51 family and Kelly would need all of them.

Silence encompassed the room like a pervading heaviness, one the two men could feel. Casey was losing his mind with the waiting, the not knowing. Was Kelly even alive?

Mouch was the first to arrive, and Boden smiled for the first time in two hours.

"Trudy didn't even want me to come, said I was wastin' my time. Reminded me of 'Exploding Severide' and how he was back on shift in like thirty minutes. She said he'd be getting a sponge bath by the time I got over here," Mouch chuckled. "Think she said something 'bout volunteering, but that's another story…" His smile was gone.

Casey had to crack a smile at the image of Platt giving Sev that bath.

"Mouch," Boden said taking his firefighter's hand before embracing him, "glad you're joining us."

"Hermann's on his way, something about Kenny gettin' stuck in a tree."

Chief was smiling now, his family coming together.

"Gabby just texted. She dropped Louie off at Antonio's… she's heading over," Matt added, wanting nothing more than to be at home, hugging the little one, wishing this current nightmare away.

All the wishing in the world couldn't stop what Grant started.

The men broke from a momentary silence when Will Halstead strode into the waiting room, Jeff Clarke on his heels.

Blood loss, hypovolemic shock, organ failure, shoulder needing surgery… the three were left speechless.

"But Kelly's a fighter. I expect a full recovery," Jeff chimed in after Will practically said to plan for a funeral. Halstead looked at the intern, eyes wide with a puzzled look.

"He's lost a lot of blood, but we've transfused him. Twice. His organs are holding up right now. His head is too damn hard for anything to be wrong with his brain," Clark defended his previous statement. "And we'll get ortho down here to take a look at that chicken wing."

"We've missed you at 51," Boden said, meaning every word. He was a good man in a world short of good men. He was telling Kelly's friends exactly what they needed to hear.

Funny thing was, Jeff believed every one of his own words.

* * *

Stella was in a nearby room, heavily sedated, resting peacefully. There would be dark days ahead where she would have to face the reality of a dead husband. Injured… boyfriend? What was Kelly? No, she would take a harsh look at all of that another day.

Kim had finally pieced together a roadmap of what had happened in that apartment and was finally getting out of there. Long damn night. Tay had taken off a few minutes earlier.

"Erin?" Burgess asked even though she was staring at the detective right in front of her. The earlier phone call said Erin would not be heading to Chicago Med anytime soon. Not checking in on a fireman, and yet here she was.

Kim made the call thinking about how she would want to know if something happened to Adam. She knew she would be there by his side even though their romance had ended. She figured Erin would feel the same.

"Erin, hate to call you with this but Kelly Severide is in pretty bad shape, and I don't think he's gonna make…"

"Burgess, I cannot handle one more thing. Not ONE more thing. Crowley's on my back like you wouldn't believe. Justin's…" Erin's voice broke. The stress was too much. All of it too much. She couldn't wrap her brain around the fact that she wouldn't be seeing Justin's goofy face ever again. And worse, he would never get to see the way his son had that same goofy look when you tickled him just right. Erin brushed away a tear, forcing the rest that threatened to spill back down. Push it all down, Lindsay, she commanded herself.

"Severide's not dead, right?" she asked her eyes now holding a deadness they hadn't seen since Nadia.

"Well, no. But Erin…" Kim tried gently.

"Okay. Keep me updated. I've got my hands full here." She hung up and got back to work. Voight was a top priority right now. Keep his ass out of jail. Justin's killer was dead… she prayed it wouldn't be the death of her career. But Kim's voice… Kelly. She imagined it was some fire, maybe accident, but then why the PD involvement? The more she blocked Severide from her thoughts, the more he showed up.

Now she was facing the woman she'd brushed off several hours earlier.

"Kim, I'm so sorry," Erin said, small, sad smile at the corners of her mouth.

"Hey, no explanation needed. I get it. I shouldn't have presumed anything," Burgess said wanting to take her friend in a hug but afraid that just might break her.

It would have. Erin was hanging on by the tiniest sliver of a thread, a thread so delicate one quick breath would have snapped it.

After getting the rundown on the mess Kelly'd gotten involved in, the detective pulled all her "official duty" cred and found out his condition and whereabouts in the span of three minutes. She bypassed the guys at 51… no way she could handle that right now. She went straight to the ICU… not sure if she could handle that either.

* * *

Kelly was in a deep anesthesia-induced slumber, pain free and dream free. Clarke was hovering over him, triple checking his vitals.

"You did good Sev," he whispered leaning in. "You keep hanging in and we'll get ya out of here soon. That's a promise."

Jeff was awash with a mix of emotions… relief, worry, anger and most of all optimism. He hated seeing Kelly like this. Small. So pale. Weak.

Temporary. This was temporary. There were some good signs, the intern reassured himself. No vent needed, organs holding up, brain activity looked normal.

"Hey," Erin's husky voice filled the room, startling Clarke who hadn't heard the woman enter. "How's he doing?" she asked, hanging back, finding it hard to believe that the man lying in the bed was Kelly Severide.

Jeff gave the detective a long hug and Erin felt the emotions of the past few weeks rush forward. There was no pushing back the tears. She let out a choking noise, one she didn't recognize.

Clarke held on for a long time, sensing she needed a strong shoulder, sensing her emotion held tragedy that went beyond what was in that room.

"You do know we're dealing with a guy whose head is harder than the firetruck he rides around in?" Jeff joked, brushing Erin's tears away with his thumbs. Overstepping? Maybe but he didn't give a damn. They'd gotten to know each other a bit with the Katie kidnapping. Erin was grateful for the support, never one to ask for it, but right now needing it.

Clarke finally stepped out… and Erin was alone with Kelly. What the hell am I doing here, she thought. Two years. It's been two years since we've even spoken. He fell down a rabbit hole, then I did and we ended up in different Wonderlands.

She leaned over his body, staring at his chest watching it rise and fall. His shoulder was encased in what looked like a cocoon while his arm was in some sling contraption that kept it immobile. Jeff had rattled off medical mumbo jumbo but Erin chose to focus on his last words… "he's gonna be okay."

Her eyes moved up his chest and stopped on his face. Stubbled cheeks, full lips, all of him so pale. All the color drained from his face. She leaned in closer wishing she could see his eyes, those blue eyes that could convey just what he was feeling. With one look, she could tell if something was wrong. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but she always thought they got it wrong. Kelly's eyes were the window to his heart.

As Erin pulled up a chair close to his bed, those two years faded away. The distance dissolved as she touched his cheek, running her fingers across the familiar stubble. Her fingers remembered the outline of his face as if they had just caressed it yesterday.

"Kelly," Erin whispered into his ear. "You're gonna be okay. You hear me? You're going to be just fine." She rested her hand on the top of his head, his short hair running through her fingertips.

Kelly heard muffled words coming from somewhere, his fuzzy brain trying to focus on them. Stella? Who was talking to him? As consciousness forced its way through, Severide was suddenly aware of the heaviness in his body. He tried moving his arms and pain shot through his whole left side, a white hot pain starting in his neck and running down that side of his back. No, don't do that again.

He tried to open his heavy lids, but they felt taped together, resisting his need to see where he was.

"Kelly, you're okay. You're in the hospital, but you are okay," Erin reassured the stirring man. She smiled, realizing he was fighting his way back. He was a fighter if nothing else. They both were.

Severide's eyes cracked open… he could make out a blurry face. A beautiful face.

"Erin?" his voice cracked, his throat so dry. He was dreaming, that must be it. His muddled brain more confused, given too much for one man to handle.

"Yes, it's me." Her dimpled smile seemed so real, her husky voice was right there.

"I'm dreamin'. Good dream," Severide mumbled, eyes shutting.

Kelly thought he heard Erin's husky laugh before fading back into a comforting darkness.

* * *

 **What did y'all think?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much to my regs who bother to review! Definitely makes those creative juices flow. Also, thanks to Cynthia and Guest for the kind words. Hope you like this even longer update.**

* * *

Kelly was in and out of consciousness those first few days, his waking moments lasting longer and longer. A member of his 51 family was with him almost every minute of every day. If not a firefighter, then Cindy Hermann, or a certain detective from 21.

Clarke wasn't the only optimistic doctor now… he'd swung normally pessimistic Will to the side of full recovery. Or at least a _maybe_ full recovery. At least he wasn't sounding the death knell.

In one of his more lucid moments, Severide opened his eyes to see a beautiful face framed in a mane of wild, dark hair staring at him, almost studying him.

"Stella," he'd croaked out. "Water," he asked, throat so dry it was hard to make a sound.

She grabbed a sponge thing soaked in water that the nurses said he could suck on.

"Mmmmm," he muttered getting every last drop out of the tiny sponge on a stick.

As his senses came to him, Kelly looked at Stella wondering how everything went south so soon after they started something. He was beginning to put the pieces together. The flashes of violence coming together and forming a picture of what had happened.

"Grant?" he asked. He had to know. Didn't want to but it was eating at him. Every night he lay in bed picturing the man's eyes as he fell on the knife Kelly held in his hand. Every dream was laced with those eyes, poisoning any chance of of a peaceful rest.

Stella shook her head no. With that no, a rush of emotion flooded through Kelly. There would be no future with this woman. How could there? Every time she looks at me, she'll see that night. She'll see me as the one who killed her ex. There would be no future for the two of them. But mostly, there would be no escaping the fact that he was a killer.

The firefighter shut his eyes wishing to just fade away again, let the darkness fill all the corners of his brain, those recesses that would not allow him to forget, would not allow him any peace.

* * *

Kelly went over each obstacle to his recovery in typical Sev fashion.

First one… keep that heart pumping. Halstead explained that with such significant blood loss, the heart would sometimes stop pumping.

"But we're giving Severide a shit load of dopamine to increase the heart's pumping strength," Clarke countered, making the room full of firemen smile. "And his heart is showing no signs of slowing down."

"A 'shit load?' Is that the technical term they're using now in med school?" Will asked as the two left Kelly's room chuckling.

"I speak fireman," Clarke added laughing.

Second one… organs could begin to shut down, especially the liver and kidneys.

"So you're checking to make sure his organs are functioning?" Casey asked, a fixture at Med now. Every off shift he stopped by, to visit, keep his friend on the road that led back to 51. He knew Kelly did not do well with time off. Too much time in that Sev head, too much time to think, and that could lead to an out of control lieutenant.

"We're running blood tests every two hours. So far, so good," Will stated, not looking up from Kelly's chart. He wanted to ask Casey if he was following in Clarke's steps and adding medical doctor to his lieutenant's title. He didn't add that last part, knowing the nagging was based out of friendship, out of brotherly love.

"Well, maybe every hour _would_ be better," Matt suggested. He'd seen what two hours could do.

"Agreed," Clarke responded flatly, peering over Halstead's shoulder. "And he's due for another CT scan, just to make sure everything's functioning."

"So why am I here exactly?" Will asked as they left the room. "You seem to have this under control."

"Sorry. Won't happen again," Jeff apologized, knowing he was blurring those intern/attending lines. "He's like family, so…"

"No, I like your instincts. Just giving you shit. A shit load of shit," Halstead joked, passing the chart to Clarke. Once a fireman always a fireman? Once a part of the 51 family always a part of the family?

Third one… gangrene was a real concern. Infections could set in, attacking the arms and legs with the blink of an eye.

"So, what? You got him on antibiotics? That's it?" Casey asked, arms folded. "He needs _all_ his parts to come back to 51."

"And every woman in our beautiful city is hoping and praying he keeps ALL his parts," Mouch interrupted, his laughing cut short with the look Erin gave him. "Just mean that everyone, like all of us, are pulling for a full recovery. Not that it's in doubt. At all."

Mouch went out for coffee "on me" even though it was free in the waiting room. Keep your mouth shut, he told himself as he headed for the free stuff. Where the hell was Trudy when he needed her? She had a not so subtle way of signalling him to shut it. Usually, a slap on the arm.

"They're doing everything they need to. The rest is up to me," Kelly said and the room went quiet. He hadn't uttered more than a few sentences since he'd been brought in covered in his own blood.

It had been one week. Seven days of being bed ridden, eating hospital food, being spoken about as if he wasn't in the room, and peeing in a damn bag. Kelly was sick of it all. But the thing that made him the sickest was that Grant was dead. Grant was dead and he'd killed him. He ended someone's life. I've devoted myself to saving people, risk my life to do it, and now I've taken a life.

Erin moved closer to his bed, her smile always had a way of quelling the troubles in Severide's head. Kelly couldn't help but smile as she leaned in right above his face, her hair brushing his forehead. Felt so familiar, as if it had been two days not two years since he last felt the brunette silk on his face. Had only been two hours since he was comforted by this woman.

"You're not getting grumpy, are you?" she teased, liking the way his color was finally coming back.

"Me? Nah, never me." The room broke out in laughter with the injured fireman scanning the area with a signature Severide death stare.

"Okay, let's clear out and let Mr. Sunshine get some rest," Casey said, giving Kelly's uninjured shoulder a pat.

"Thanks Case," Severide said quietly. His friend had been practically living in this hospital room. It was time for him to go home, be with his newly formed family.

Something inside of Kelly told him he was going to be okay and make it back to 51. All the doom and gloom of Will was starting to lift. "Hey!" Severide called out before Matt got through the door. "Give that kid a hug from me. And tell him Uncle Kelly's gonna take him for a spin on my bike in a couple weeks."

Casey chuckled, shaking his head no. "Uh, you can tell Gabby that yourself. Keep gettin' better, okay? I'll bring Louie up here and _you_ can give him that hug."

The room cleared leaving Erin shuffling around looking for her purse. A mass of flowers, balloons, and even stuffed animals invaded the space, making her feel like she was looking for a needle in a haystack.

"You can just take all that shit with you," Kelly half joked.

"That's what happens when you move out of ICU. People can start sending you stuff," Erin replied, spying her purse behind a pillow on a chair. "Got it!" she said, grabbing it like a prize, holding it high in the air.

Kelly chuckled at her childlike enthusiasm… instantly regretting it, blinding pain shooting through his back and shoulder. He retreated into himself, doubling over on his side, his breath almost knocked out of him. His back had that constant nagging of dull pain, but the morphine kept it at bay, not revealing how scarred it would someday be. His shoulder was completely immobile but if he happened to jar it slightly, it screamed in protest. Right now, his body was screaming at him… laughing was a no-no.

Erin pushed the call button, hovering over Kelly, stroking his cheek. "Breathe Kelly, deep, long breaths. C'mon, you can do this." Her heart was beating out of her chest, but her voice remained calm.

By the time the nurse arrived, Severide had gotten himself under control.

"I hate to say no laughing, but no anything that has you moving around too much, sweetie. This should help," the nurse said pushing in an extra dose of morphine. "You need rest," she added shooting Erin a look.

"That's all I've been doing," Kelly uttered softly, what little strength he felt gone.

"I better leave," Erin said giving him a quick touch on his good shoulder.

"Stay until I fall asleep. Please," the fireman asked looking smaller and weaker than Erin would have thought possible. Maybe he was playing the "I'm hurt" card, but be damned with the Severide bravado. He needed her there.

Once Kelly drifted into a fitful sleep, Erin leaned back in her chair, resting her eyes. One minute only, I'll stay one minute and then head out, she thought, eyes flirting with closing.

"Oh, ow, ow, ow," the beautiful brunette cursed under her breath, trying to move her head from side to side, her neck revolting against the motion. She brought her hand to her neck, massaging out a huge knot. Sleeping in a small chair with your neck hanging half over the side does not do a body good she decided.

"You okay?" Kelly mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He'd had a restless night, those damn Grant eyes staring at him in his dreams.

Erin slid the chair by the fireman's bedside, giving it a glare as she plopped down. "Yeah, feel like my neck battled this chair and the chair won," she smiled, husky laugh filling the room.

"Sorry I asked you to stay," he answered, guilty look on his face.

"Not what I meant. I'm glad I stayed. Glad we reconnected. Even if it was under these circumstances," the detective said honestly. "I've missed you Severide."

"I've missed you too Lindsay."

Erin was going to leave, was about to head out, craving a long, hot shower… something made her stay.

She didn't understand why, but she unloaded the whole Voight revenge and Crowley investigation story to this man she hadn't spoken with in two years. Baring her heart and secrets with the words that kept coming and coming, the detective felt the heaviness on her shoulders lift. Kelly stayed in silence, listening, nodding his head once in awhile. He squeezed her hand tightly with his good one, urging her to get it out. These were things she couldn't even tell Jay.

"So, I'm a terrible person. That's what you're thinking," Erin said when she finished, trying to pull her hand away.

"No, no, never, Erin," Kelly said softly. "I think you're the most loyal person I've ever met and Voight is goddamn lucky to have you in his life."

Lindsay smiled, a sadness in her eyes filled with the memory of Justin. "I needed to get this mess out, to someone not at 21."

"Know what you mean. They're my family, but sometimes you need someone outta your own house."

"Same," Erin agreed. "It's one of the things I miss about having you in my life. Could always tell you anything."

"Same," Kelly nodded in agreement. He'd let himself forget how honest this woman was, how she wasn't about head games and bullshit. He remembered how she told him straight out she wasn't going to be that girl that waits for hours for a boy.

"I have got to get going," Erin said suddenly feeling awkward. "I'm undercover this week, so won't be able to visit. You keep getting better." She leaned over and Kelly thought he was getting a goodbye kiss. He closed his eyes, licked his lips, got his mouth ready. Confined to a bed for a week, but he was damn certain he could handle a kiss.

The detective rubbed the top of his head as if he were a labrador puppy, "See you soon, Kel. Glad I got my fireman friend back."

And with a smile, Erin left, putting Kelly in the friendzone.

* * *

Being undercover was a welcome distraction. Erin didn't have time to think about Crowley and what she knew. Better yet, Crowley couldn't continue harassing the detective with a barrage of questions.

The week did come to an end. She'd nabbed the bad guy, and now reality was at her doorstep. She half expected Crowley to be waiting for her at 21. Instead, Jay Halstead was there all smiles, coffee in hand.

"Next weekend. You excited?" Jay asked, huge grin on his face, handing her the java. Nothing like an undercover assignment to bring two people closer together, he thought. And the best part? No Kelly Severide in the picture.

"Yep," Erin said looking up from the pile of paperwork that _was_ waiting for her. She flashed a dimpled smile thinking about the big move. It was a big deal for her… moving in with someone. Moving in with Jay.

"How's the fireman?" Halstead inquired abruptly, wanting to ask a whole lot more, but sticking with that for now. He hadn't wanted to bring up Severide, but he couldn't help himself. Way to shut that dimpled smile down, he thought kicking himself.

But Jay realized she'd probably already checked on the guy, probably already visited him. He wondered why the visits? Why the concern now? He knew that Erin's fireman hadn't really been HER fireman for a couple of years. They were just beginning a new chapter. He didn't want some old flame she felt sorry for to ruin the bright future he imagined. The fact that she cared so much, her heart as big as her smile… yes, that was also part of the reason he loved her so much. It was a little inconvenient at the moment.

"Kelly," Erin said slowly emphasizing his name, "is doing much better. He's getting out tomorrow, is acting like a little kid about it. You know, too much time laying in a bed. It'll be good. Have a little freedom and not in a ridiculous hospital gown. Oh, and I think Gabby and Casey are going to have him look after Louie a couple days a week… when he's up to it. He's got a road ahead of him, but you know Kelly…" Erin stopped the flow of words coming out of her mouth, the non-stop gushing over someone who was not her boyfriend. No, that boyfriend was staring at her, his mouth almost to the floor.

"Ummm," she muttered awkwardly. "I am really looking forward to next weekend though."

"Good. That's what I want to hear. Me too," Jay's worry was increased ten-fold.

"You do know we are just friends, right? It is possible for a man and woman to be just friends. Nothing else," Erin was trying to reassure, but it was coming out a little rushed, forced. The words didn't ring true to Jay or to Erin.

"Yeah, I know." Halstead also knew that former lovers going to "just friends" was something he'd never seen. He hoped this "friendship" would come to an end when what's his name recovered and got busy with work, with women, with drinking, with whatever.

"Oh, and I'm taking a day tomorrow. No big deal but the guys are on shift, so I was gonna help Kelly get settled in." The look on Jay's face made Erin add, "Shouldn't take long."

Halstead grunted in response, excusing himself to get more coffee. That worry went up another 20 levels.

* * *

Kelly was so excited, he didn't even mind having to wheelchair it out of Med. The grin on his face was all excited Sev. Erin threw his small bag in the backseat of her car, before running to the side to help him in. Will and Jeff had it under control.

"All you are allowed to do is sit on your ass. Got it? Your ass, a chair, maybe a couch… that's it." Clarke looked at the fireman doubtfully. He wanted to keep his friend at Med another three or four days, but Will insisted they cut him loose.

"He'll do better at home. Guys like him always do." Halstead was right, but Jeff was in full mother hen mode.

"Yes, mom," Kelly said, that silly grin still spread across his face. He did have some sense of how difficult it was gonna be getting around, how he couldn't move his shoulder at all, how he was going to be sitting on his ass most of the time. But he was happy to be sitting in his own clothes. Happy to be able to go to the bathroom by himself.

He thanked Will and Jeff from the passenger's seat, tried to shake both their hands, and breathed a deep sigh of relief as Erin took off.

Walking the few steps from the car to his place completely wiped him. He had to admit that leaning on Erin had its advantages. She plopped him in his most comfortable chair.

"Hmmm, I like the place," she said taking in his new condo. She was impressed that he'd bothered to hang a few pictures, mostly of motorcycles and cars. There were some framed pictures on the fireplace mantle… Shay looking out over him, always. Of course, everything spotless, clean enough to eat off the floor.

"Thanks," Kelly remarked, the grin still affixed to his face. "How 'bout you grab us some beers?"

"Uh, that would be a no." Erin scowled at what she hoped was a joke. Kelly's laughter told her it was.

"How's this?" she asked, setting a bottled water down in front of him.

"Great," he said flatly, grabbing at it with one hand, trying to use his teeth to unscrew the lid.

"Oh, sorry," Erin jumped up to help, "wasn't thinking…" She grabbed at the bottle but Kelly yanked it away, determined to do it on his own.

"I got it," he insisted.

"No let me," she countered, reaching for it again.

He put it far out to his side, almost like a parent teasing a child, both of them laughing.

Erin was doing the delicate dance of going for the bottle without jarring the fireman too much.

"Don't be a baby, and give me the damn thing!" her husky voice demanded.

"Aha! Got it!" Kelly exclaimed, spitting the lid out of his mouth to the floor and taking a long, victorious gulp.

Erin laughed, shaking her head in defeat, but still leaning across the fireman, her hands on the arm of the chair. She looked into those blue eyes… so full of mischief, so full of life.

She felt her fingertips run up to his face, taking his bearded cheeks in her hands, and drawing his full lips to hers. She pressed in so hard she was sure she must have hurt him. She didn't care. Her mouth opened, her tongue finding his… the sweet taste of Kelly Severide erasing all of her troubles.

He pulled away slightly, both opening their eyes in shock.

Erin jerked up quickly away from the fireman… taking two steps back, not able to form any intelligible words.

"Erin, I'm sorry…" Kelly stammered, wide eyed, wondering what just happened.

Lindsay spun on her heels, running to her car, ignoring the calls of her name echoing from behind.

* * *

 **Well, it's on. This was nothing - so much drama to come. Haha! Tell me what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the reviews! Those that I can't respond to personally (Cynthia and guest), thank you for leaving your kind words. They mean a bunch! Here's a weekend treat - enjoy.**

* * *

Tears ran down Erin's face, tears she hadn't felt since Justin died, and before that with Nadia. She hadn't cried when she broke up with Severide. She'd felt a sadness for sure, but no tears. What they started had stopped just as it was beginning. It held so much hope, but all that snuffed out when the life of a paramedic ended. Her tears were pouring out now … with a vengeance.

The weeks of suffering the loss of a brother, the complete and utter unfairness of it all. The baby. His baby. Now fatherless.

Voight getting revenge, trying desperately to right the wrong of a dead son. Would never happen, but Erin had to acknowledge a sense of justice had been served. It had all been at a price. Had she thrown her career away? Was it like Jay said… Hank was going to bring her down.

No, she did what she had to do, but the pressure, that damn non-stop Crowley pressure was eating at her. Then out of the blue a Burgess phone call relaying another tragedy. Her fireman near death. Her EX-fireman.

How quickly he'd crawled back into her heart. Yes, he found a little corner and was setting up house. Seemed like that corner was expanding and Erin truly didn't know how she felt about it.

"I am moving in with Jay," she said out loud. "I am moving in with Jay this weekend," she repeated, wiping the last of her tears. She was home not knowing how she got there.

A long bath. A bottle of red. Perhaps two.

She glanced at her phone briefly as she threw her keys on the counter.

 _Call me when you're home. Can't wait till we both have the same home._

A thumb's up emoji followed the short message.

"I'm moving in with Jay. This weekend," Erin said one more time, throwing her phone next to her keys.

Then why the hell did I kiss Kelly Severide, she asked herself, pulling a bottle of wine from the rack before heading to the tub. Halfway there she turned on her heels, jogging back to the kitchen to grab another bottle. It was a two bottle kind of night.

* * *

"Three months?" Kelly asked incredulously. I misheard Will, yeah, that's it. He was looking at Clarke to let him know it was a mistake.

Jeff inhaled sharply. "I know it sounds like a long time, but…"

"It IS a long time! Three months is a helluva long time! You have gotta be shittin' me!" Kelly was up, pacing Will's office. He felt the room start to swim and a pair of strong arms hold him up before his face met the floor.

"Take it easy, Kelly," Clarke helped him back in the chair, easing him down slowly. He put his fingers to the fireman's neck checking his pulse only to have it pushed away.

"I'm fine, fine," Severide huffed, out of breath. He hung his head wiping his hand through his hair, shifting his weight to one side, trying to make that pain in his back go away.

He sat in silence, the life sucked out of his eyes, as Jeff told him he was a lucky bastard.

"You should be dead right now," he enthused hoping that would penetrate Sev's thick skull. Kelly thought that option might be better.

He talked on and on about the shoulder needing to remain "completely immobile" for three months. Then the work would begin… a grueling rehab schedule to get it functioning like a shoulder again. The orthopedic surgeon had been called to an emergency surgery, giving Halstead and Clarke the chore of sharing the timetable with an impatient fireman. Jeff was glad it was him giving his friend the news, although looking at a downtrodden Sev made him wish he'd turned down the invitation.

Kelly walked out of the office, head hanging so low, Casey thought he'd have to pick it up off the floor.

He wisely remained silent, leading the way to his truck. He'd wanted to go in with his best friend, but that hadn't gone over well.

"I don't need you to wipe my ass either," Kelly said cutting off any further discussion.

Casey followed Kelly up the walkway, praying he wouldn't need a hand. He thought that might kill his friend at this point. Jeff had given him a head's up that the shoulder was so far gone it would take months for it heal, months before it could be re-built through hard work.

Thankfully, the fireman made it in, not bothering to turn on a light, walking straight to the couch.

"You can go."

"Kelly, this is a set-back only. You've made a miracle kind of recovery…"

"Go." Severide looked at his friend, no mistaking the pleading in his eyes in spite of the dark room. "Please."

Casey took a breath. He thought about parking it on the couch, but Sev's eyes told him to get the hell out. "I'm bringing Louie tomorrow. He needs some Uncle Kaylee time."

Kelly couldn't help but smile at the girl name Louie called him. Being with the little boy was the best medicine. At times he thought it was the only medicine he needed.

He sure as hell didn't need a detective in his life. A beautiful, headstrong, husky laughing, dimpled detective. Nope. It had been one week, if anyone was counting. No text, no phone call, no damn postcard.

She was shackin' up with Halstead now. Probably too busy with her detective, he thought, a darkness settling in. Gettin' busy with her detective. Get that thought out of my mind. I don't care. Not one bit. Nope. I'm good, Kelly told himself, sitting in the darkened room, all alone.

* * *

Getting out of the shower, the fireman wrapped a towel around his waist with one hand. He'd gotten good at doing most things with one free arm. The other was in a sling. 24-7. Non-negotiable. His ortho said it could be up to six months if he didn't comply. He used a bathing sling in the shower, a sturdier one during the day when he was trying to move around, and a big, soft puffy one at night when he was sleeping in his chair.

He was so winded, he had to lean against the countertop to catch his breath. Kelly wiped the fog from the mirror, staring at a face he almost didn't recognize as his own. He had a full beard and his hair was longer than usual, but it was his actual face that looked different to him. The Kelly that was in the mirror was closer to his 16-year-old self… skinny, muscles wanting to come out but not sure how.

He'd blocked this teenager from his mind, not exactly fond memories. Mom missing in action, checked out when Benny's teacher fling came to light. April's family taking him in when he had nothing. The rage he'd felt, the rage that almost cost him his future when he unleashed it on a classmate with a big mouth.

He didn't think he'd ever see that face again. Yet here he was staring back at him in the mirror. He pushed off against the counter, ripping the towel from his waist to dry himself and banish old memories that had no business in his recovery.

As he drew the soft terry cloth across his chest, he looked at the deep cut that ran from one shoulder almost to the other. It was healing, itching like crazy but now closer to a scar than an injury. He turned around, gazing in the mirror, trying to get a look at his back. He gave that up when his shoulder flamed its angry head telling him to quit moving like that.

It was a mess, Grant's knife penetrating his skin over and over would always remain. Every scar a permanent reminder of one man's anger. An anger he had a part in bringing to the surface.

* * *

Erin looked at her stream of texts to and from Kelly. The most recent one over a week ago. She'd texted him once after her undercover assignment, but it was more brush-off than checking on him.

Just text the damn man, she told herself. She'd been keeping tabs on his physical progress through Antonio, stopping at the DA's office because she was "in the neighborhood." They both knew it was code for wanting intel on the fireman.

Her fingers snapped a quick message, hitting send before they could take it back.

 _Sorry, busy. With the move and all. How are you?_

The move! You mention the move? She ran her hand to her forehead wondering if there was a brain in there. She wanted to see him, tell him he'd be back at 51 in no time. At least Antonio seemed confident.

"Gabby said he's going kinda Dark Sev, three months without movin' around too much. She said he is going crazy. And driving everyone crazy," Antonio chuckled. "Louie's been cheering him up. He's been a God-send for Gab."

"But he's gonna be okay, right? Like eventually?" Erin tried desperately to sound casual, oh so casual. Just a friend. Simple concern for a friend.

Dawson wasn't buying it.

"You know you _can_ drop by and check on him yourself? Just throwin' that out there," Antonio flashed his white smile. "Aaaand, then you can see for yourself."

"But I miss seeing your handsome face," Erin smiled, her dimples going deeper.

"And I love seeing you, but I think you want to see another face. Don't think you'll be satisfied until you do."

She couldn't argue with him. Now she'd sent that stupid text. Why does he make me do such stupid things? Why does he make me think about those blue eyes all day? Why does he make me kiss that stupid face?

She looked at her phone, knowing there would be no response. She wasn't stupid enough to think there would be.

* * *

Kelly and Louie were laying on the floor, trying to build a firehouse with Duplos, the little boy's eyes getting heavier and heavier. He'd been fighting a nap and Uncle Kaylee didn't want to be the bad guy and force him down. That discipline stuff was for mom and dad, not the fun uncle who'd be teaching him to ride a motorcycle, drink a beer, and pick up a girl. Might be a few more years till all that, but Kelly was lookin' forward to it.

The text came in and his mood instantly dropped.

The move. She wants to text me about her move? What the hell was I thinking? That we were going to somehow get back together? That I even had a shot with her? I am one stupid bastard, Kelly thought. She doesn't give a shit about how I'm doin', not one word in 8 days. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Kelly picked up the little boy, taking him to his bedroom. He placed him gently on the bed, propping up pillows on both sides. He kissed Louie softly on his forehead, trying not to think about the beautiful detective with those infuriating hazel brown eyes, the cute dimples that teased innocence, and those lips.

Those lips that left him stupidly wanting more.

* * *

Erin knocked on the door furiously, get through this or I'm going to chicken out. I do NOT chicken out on anything. She knocked again louder. Antonio was right. As much as it pained her to admit it, he was right. She wasn't going to be satisfied until she saw Severide for herself.

Kelly snapped open the door, face red, eyes narrowed in anger. "I got a sleepin' kid in here!" he snapped, not caring who he was talking to.

"Kel, sorry," Erin stumbled, "I just, uh, I…" she was already retreating, stupidity confirmed. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

"Erin?" Kelly's brain was taking a few seconds to register that she was standing in front of him. "Sorry," he whispered, "just got him down. Uh, Louie. He just fell asleep." He opened the door wider, gesturing for her to come in.

"No, I'm sorry. Bad idea. Felt like a terrible friend, hadn't checked on you in a week. After I said I would and then I didn't. The move," oh shut it, Lindsay, she told herself.

"Yeah, gathered you were busy," Kelly went behind the door when it looked like she wasn't coming in. He didn't bother correcting it had been _over_ a week.

"No, that's not it. I _wanted_ to come see you, but… well, the last time I saw you…" she stepped forward and the door opened a bit.

"My fault. Hopped up on all the drugs, the painkillers… let's just forget about it," Kelly had the door wide open. The lie was obvious to both, but they were willing to go with it.

"Um, okay," Erin walked in, their door dance done.

"How's Louie? Adjusting to everything?"

"Doin' great. Other than the fact that the little shit calls me Uncle Kaylee. Kaylee!" The way Kelly's eyes lit up eased the tension and brought down the curtain of caution Erin had put up. She felt her smile returning.

"So how is Uncle Kaylee? How you doing?" She plopped on the couch, tucking her legs under her.

Kelly sat in his favorite chair that doubled as his bed at night. Sleeping upright kept his shoulder pretty stable, allowing him to catch some sleep. Rest, don't move the shoulder, eat right, no beer… that was pretty much his day. Except when he had Louie duty and he would remember what it was like to smile, to be happy and to really live. He was smiling now at how Erin looked right at home, like she belonged there on the couch.

"Doin' great. Couple more months and I'll get to start movin' around more," he pointed at his shoulder, "move this thing around." He left it there. Didn't go into the real work that would begin then. His ortho warned that it would be hard. It would be painful. But Kelly knew it would be worth it. He'd get his life back. He'd be a firefighter again.

Erin scooched in closer to the chair, sliding across the sofa. "Are you really doing okay?"

Kelly got up, moving next to the beautiful woman sitting on his couch. Damn, if I didn't miss her, eight days feeling like a lifetime. "I am," he said, inching a bit closer.

She looked at him skeptically, her hand running up to his face. The beard feeling so soft on her fingers, she was mesmerized by it. Her hand moved up his face to the back of his head, running through the salt and pepper mane, longer than what she remembered. She pulled Kelly in, his lips feeling like they belonged next to hers. Guilt twinged in Erin's chest, but as her mouth found Severide's again and again, it faded away. She felt the beating of her heart in her chest as all the fight went out of her. The fighting of her feelings, the fight with Crowley, all of it… gone.

Kelly's mouth on hers was hard and desperate, then gentle and sweet. He thought he'd memorized the contour of her lips, but they felt so new, so right. He pulled her fiercely against him and claimed her mouth over and over. It felt so perfect, that moment was everything.

Erin rubbed the delicious silk of his beard against her cheek realizing that Antonio had been right. She did need to see Kelly for herself to be truly satisfied.

* * *

With early evening settling in, the harsh reality of what had happened came crashing down on both of them. Erin rushed around, fumbling with her boots, the laces not cooperating. She felt like her brain wasn't working right. Voices inside her head were warning her she was making a huge mistake. She pushed that thought away, finally getting both boots on.

Louie was watching her as Kelly poured him a bowl of cereal, the task made that much harder with his shoulder screeching at him to stop. To say it was hurting would be an understatement. It was worth it, so damn worth it. Maybe Louie wasn't the only medicine he needed, he thought chuckling slightly as he placed the bowl in front of the little boy. His shoulder didn't like that small movement either, and for a few seconds his knees threatened to give out. He landed in the chair next to Louie

"Kel, you okay?" Erin was by his side, kneeling next to him, searching his eyes for an answer. "You need anything?"

"Nope," he answered, smiling at her, and in that moment wanted her as much as ever. Kissing her felt so right. It was all he could do to keep from kissing her again. The perfect way they'd come together made the possibility of a future bring a broader smile to his face.

"Where are your pain meds?" Erin asked, eyes scanning the countertop. "I didn't… uh… hurt you or…"

Kelly cut her off, "If that was you hurtin' me, can't wait to do it again."

That damn smile. Those few simple words hinting at so much sat next to Louie, smiling at the boy and avoiding those blue eyes looking at her.

"Cereal?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "At three o'clock?"

"I'm ordering pizza later. You're welcome to stay," Kelly suggested slyly, liking how her dimples grew deeper the more her smile spread across her face.

"Hmmmph," she answered giving him a doubtful look before spying a few prescription bottles by the stove. "You need one of everything?" Erin asked already popping off the lids.

Before Kelly could respond with definitely needing one of everything he saw, including the beautiful detective, a knock echoed through the apartment.

"Stay," Erin commanded going to the door, giving Louie a quick wink, and Kelly a warning look to keep himself in his chair.

She swung open the door, her smile shattered into a million pieces.

Jay Halstead and Hank Voight stood before her looking like they'd both been slapped.

Erin felt like a black hole was opening up inside her, devouring her, and making her knees go weaker than Kelly's had been.

Jay pushed past her roughly, "Kelly Severide, you are being charged with the second degree murder of Grant Kidd."

* * *

Well, you knew it was going to get messy if you've ever read any of my stories. Leave me your thoughts - love hearing from you! Side note - didn't know Grant's last name, so just went with Kidd.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the reviews! I like where this one is going (lots of twists and turns) - hope you do too. Enjoy and have a great work week!**

* * *

Jay didn't even look at Erin. He couldn't. His unanswered texts and calls all making sense. He started to cuff Severide…

"Aaaahhh!" Kelly called out, bending over in pain, his eyes barely able to focus on the floor beneath him. He clutched at his shoulder in vain trying to straighten himself up. He willed his legs to keep him up, but his fists weren't listening. He wanted to punch the guy holding his arms back.

The small cry jolted Erin into action, not going to Kelly but heading to Louie who was watching it all with wide eyes as his cereal became soggy. She picked him up swiftly, shielding his eyes from the scene, "Let's go watch a cartoon in Uncle Kaylee's room." She bolted down the hallway hoping the faith she had in Voight was justified.

"Halstead!" the voice sounded like Boden, but when Kelly glanced up confirmation came that it was in fact Hank Voight. A Hank Voight who raced to his side helping him back to the chair he was just in. A Hank Voight who then was screaming in the face of a young detective.

Kelly knew he was losing it, the pain piercing through his shoulder was making him sick. His stomach was doing somersaults, his head swimming, but it was that shoulder that was getting its revenge. His Erin "activities" had taken their toll and then the wrenching back of his arm… I need those pills, he thought vaguely remembering they were somewhere close.

He pushed up on the table with one arm, swaying to the right, the left… he could see 'em… by the stove. Kelly put his head down and wobbly tried to make it to the counter.

Suddenly, his face was feeling the cold of the kitchen tile, then it felt nothing at all.

* * *

Voight and Jay left once Severide was back up, swearing he was fine. Hank practically led Halstead out by his ear. That after giving him an earful.

"We were doin' Erin a favor! Lettin' Severide know he was being charged. NOT arresting him!" Hank had to admit he probably would have done the same thing. Or worse. But he also knew this would not go far in helping Jay win back Erin's heart. Nope. He knew his girl would be reeling, would probably run straight into Benny Severide's kid's arms. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he'd given up trying to dictate Erin's life years ago. Really just wanted the kid happy.

Halstead was glad the older detective eased up in the car. He was beating himself up enough for the both of them. He was pissed. She cheated on me, he thought. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with cheated on me. The pain was in his eyes, but there was also a rage. A "I wanna kill a fireman" rage. He wouldn't, _couldn't_ let himself think that she had played an equal part in the indiscretion. It was not like Erin. Had to be that damn fireman playing on her sympathies, pushing his way in, making her think she felt something she didn't. Jay vowed right then and there to get her back. He would do whatever it took to do that. He knew that Severide was not good for Erin and would never be good for her. He was certain of that fact. And he would make Erin see it his way.

* * *

Dawson and Casey picked up Louie after shift and left worried about their friend. The anger they felt directed at a jealous cop.

"I should pay Halstead a visit! Tonight!" Matt said, hands gripping the steering wheel with such force Gabby thought he might rip it right out.

"I never thought I'd be the one to calm you down, but you gotta let it go, babe. Am I _pissed_? I mean _mad_ ," she corrected spying Louie watching her carefully, " _Hell_ yeah. I mean _heck_ yeah. That ASSHOLE made our son watch his uncle get arrested! Or almost arrested!" she took a deep breath, smiling at the little boy sitting next to her in the backseat.

Louie finally spoke, "Hole."

Casey burst out laughing and couldn't stop in spite of the burning look he got from his fiery girlfriend.

"Do NOT laugh. That will only encourage him," Gabby almost sang the words with a big smile on her face. Inside, she was mortified that her son repeated a bad word, or almost repeated a bad word.

"Hole," Louie said again, smiling as Matt tried to stop his chuckling.

"Let's not say that sweetie," Dawson tried, pulling the little boy closer to her as they drove up to their place. "So instead of busting skulls tough guy, you're helping me fix dinner and snuggling up for a movie later. Right?"

"Is that snuggling _after_ Louie's out for the night?" Casey asked, eyebrows raised and smile reaching across his face.

"It can be," Gabby tempted.

"I'll put the busting skulls on hold then." Matt's temper had quelled. As much as he wanted to get a little retribution for Kelly, he knew he couldn't. He also had a feeling someone else was going to take on the hole from 21. Maybe someone who worked in 21.

* * *

Kelly tried to force a smile, but couldn't. Those damn pills weren't doing a thing. He closed his eyes in an effort to block out the pain. A weak, worthless… man? Was he even a man any more? No job, movin' around like an 80-year-old, couldn't even rescue a cat out of a tree. Worst of all, he let some prick manhandle him. No. Nope. No man in that apartment right now.

"Yep. We're going. Right now." Erin picked up her phone, tapping numbers in furiously. Her voice roused Kelly from drowning in self pity.

"Wait. Hold it right there! What are you doin?"

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm calling for an ambo."

"The hell you are! I ain't goin' anywhere! Give the meds a minute to work." Kelly had put his arm back in the sling and he thought he might pass out right there, like a little pansy assed, weak shell of his former self.

Erin had no intentions of calling for an ambulance, but she did know that the threat would be the only way she'd get Kelly in her car to take him to Med. His pride almost as hurt as his shoulder. Her plan worked and he felt like he'd won as he gingerly sat in the front seat trying not to move any part of his upper body.

Clarke was on shift when the text from Erin came in.

"Seriously?" he said watching Kelly and Erin make their way through the ER doors. The beautiful detective had her arm interlocked in the fireman's trying to steady him. "Goddamn it! What happened?" Jeff barked, toning it down seeing the defeat in his friend's eyes. "Never mind. Tell me later. Let me get him set up for an MRI."

It was done within the hour, now a waiting game to see if any further damage had occurred.

Erin was still in the waiting room as Clarke helped Kelly get settled in for the night. Jeff knew he was doing the right thing when his friend had no fight to argue. He barely had the energy to tell him what exactly happened.

"You want me to pay that asshole a visit?" Jeff asked, ready to exchange his stethoscope for a halligan.

"Nah. Not worth it," Kelly said groggily, the major pain meds working their magic, releasing him from that constant monkey on his back. Letting him escape from the doubt, the feeling of utter worthlessness. "I get it." He closed his eyes thinking about the pair of beautiful brown eyes he saw right before getting the MRI. Beautiful brown eyes that he hoped he'd be seeing very soon. Beautiful brown eyes he could imagine seeing for a long time to come. Beautiful brown eyes that made all others seem dim.

"You ever think about keeping it in your pants?" Jeff asked. He couldn't help but wonder if Kelly hadn't brought all this on himself. Stella. Erin. Thoughts the fireman had been torturing himself with over the past month. But not tonight. Tonight was for much needed rest.

His question was left unanswered, met with a soft snoring from the man in the bed.

Erin came in shortly after Clarke left and kissed the fireman on the head. "I'm going to have to take off," she whispered as Kelly's steady breathing continued, no way he coming out of his peaceful slumber. "You see I got myself into a bit of a mess," she brushed a tear from her cheek. "And I need to make it a little less messy."

The detective hoped she could do that. Problem was she didn't know what she wanted. That was it. Did she want a life with Jay, one filled with the common ground of police work, complete trust, loyalty? Well, complete trust until now. She'd broken that.

Or did she want a life with the fireman? The one who drove her completely insane, who she now couldn't stay away from. She realized he was like a drug and she felt like an addict. That didn't sound very romantic, but God how it was. When she was looking in his eyes, feeling his heart beating against hers, it was right where she wanted to be. Was what they had genuine? Was it worth stepping into a place that could be filled with landmines? Was it worth all the pain she was feeling?

She would wrestle with the demons later. But this mess. It had to be tidied. Now.

* * *

Erin didn't have anything planned, didn't have a script to read from… she had to speak from her heart. She had to be honest. Even if it hurt.

She knew she looked terrible, with puffy eyes and tangled hair, but her looks were the farthest thing from her mind. First up, she needed to lay into Jay.

"How the hell do you go in there and _arrest_ Kelly? Voight said you were supposed to be doing him a favor! A favor? By letting him know he was being charged NOT cuffing him!" her voice rose up as each word tumbled out faster and faster.

"I saw you in there and lost it! Okay? I lost it! I wanted to hurt him, hurt him in the way…" Jay stumbled on his words. "Hurt him to make him feel what I was feeling."

Erin swallowed hard. This was even more difficult than she thought it would be. Her anger combined with sadness and guilt in a huge fireball of emotion that she didn't know what to do with.

Her voice began shaking, but she knew she had to get through this, knew she had to admit everything that was in her heart. If she could even articulate it all.

Jay listened, his temper gone, replaced with sadness. His girlfriend confessed everything.

"So where does this leave us?" he asked when she finished. He couldn't help but think that this one time thing could just be a terrible mistake… one she would soon accept as a mistake. He was unsure of almost everything in their relationship now, except one thing - she was confused.

"I don't know," Erin answered truthfully. They decided she would move in with Burgess, work would be work, no place for this drama, and they would try not to make it all "weird."

"You'll always be my best friend, Jay," Erin said hugging him before she left.

"I'm not givin' up on you, on us," Halstead responded, not wanting to let go and refusing to be labeled with "friend" only.

"We'll talk tomorrow." Erin turned to take one more look at "their" place. She felt like it was a last look.

Jay had other ideas. He was in denial that what happened was anything more than a fling. He had a distinct advantage. He would be seeing the beautiful love of his life everyday. And, perhaps the sweetest thought he could muster, _he_ was not charged with second degree murder and most certainly would not be going to jail. Yes, it was that thought that let him get some sleep, let him push the other thoughts far away, and let him live with the fact that he was in love with a woman who may be in love with two men.

* * *

Kelly left the hospital the next day, his shoulder with no additional injury. Good news he so desperately needed.

The days began tumbling over one another with Severide feeling like he was in a waiting game. Waiting to start rehabbing his shoulder. Waiting to see if he'd be going to trial. Waiting to see what this whole Erin thing really was.

She was stopping by when she had an off shift, being the supportive cheerleader he needed. They didn't get into anything too deep.

"I need some time, Kel. To figure this whole thing out," Erin said touching his hand while looking into those beautiful blue eyes that she loved and cursed. They were sitting across from each other at a nearby diner that Kelly said had the best cheesesteaks in town. Erin smiled as he wolfed down his lunch, her dimples showing how happy she was his appetite was finally back. Her dimples also showing he stood a chance.

That was all he needed. A shot. And he knew he was gettin' it.

"You got it Lindsay. I ain't goin' anywhere." He wiped his greasy hands on his napkin before gently putting his hand back in hers.

Did he lay awake at night when his shoulder said he overdid it, thinking about Erin with Jay? Yes. He knew the woman he dreamt of a future with wasn't ready to throw out the detective. He knew that asshole was gettin' a shot too.

He lay awake also thinking about taking a life. About how Grant was no longer breathing. He didn't have a choice, he argued with himself. But God how it went against everything he stood for. Savin' lives was his thing. He was good at it.

But his waking hours were focused on the troublesome shoulder. It was a distraction he welcomed. The ortho deemed his shoulder had been frozen in place long enough and it was time "for the work to begin." By work, Kelly realized he really meant "torture." The doc warned it would not be fun. He was right.

PT twice a week… and every damn time Kelly thought he couldn't make it through the next one. But then came another session, sneaking up on him, and he was back at it. Giving more than he had before. He couldn't even move his arm the next day, felt like a delicate piece of porcelain ready to break. But the day after that… he could move it. After a couple of weeks, he noticed those movements having a wider range of motion. Kelly hoped he wasn't imagining it. Whatever the truth, it gave him the will to keep going.

So the waiting game continued, Erin coming by when she could, trying to keep it casual, usually unsuccessfully. The waiting and working continued with the shoulder… Kelly wanting his old body back, his old stamina, his old strength. He knew he was taking the right steps but some days the wait seemed unbearable.

But there are those times when the waiting game is over, and you really wish it wasn't. You wish you still _didn't_ have an answer. You long for being back in the holding pattern called limbo.

"The State's Attorney General is leaning toward a trial," Peter Stone, a prosecutor, informed the fireman. He wouldn't have even charged the guy if he was the one calling the shots, but he wasn't. His boss was trying to get re-elected and somehow thought prosecuting this hero would help in that effort. So stupid. He hoped he wouldn't have to serve under the man much longer.

Kelly didn't say anything, his mouth trying to form some words. He could not handle one more thing. Not one more damn thing. He defended himself, defended Stella. And now HE was the one being punished? There were forces working behind the scenes pushing for some retribution and the State's Attorney General was listening.

A long, lost great aunt of Grant's was pushing the office for the charges to amount to something. She looked like a sweet, gray haired grandma who belonged sitting serenely on a rocking chair. In reality, she swore like a sailor and had spent more of her youth on a pole than in any chair. She was hoping to sue the man who killed her nephew. She was also hoping for a bigger catch than that. She had visions of suing the CFD but she would need something to swing in her favor to land that one. For once in her life, she needed things to go her way. Little did she know, the Intelligence Unit would swing that pendulum hard in her direction.

* * *

Mouse was about to start a chain of events that would set off a firestorm of trouble for a firefighter from 51. A cute investigator from the state's office needed his help… do a quick background check on Kelly Severide.

"Sure, no problem," he'd answered trying not to beam too much in the glow of her need of his techie skills. She was smart, definitely part of her appeal, but she was no Mouse in tracking down the untrackable.

He'd heard whispers in 21 about Severide being charged with 2nd degree murder. Voight and Erin sure it wouldn't amount to squat.

"Like we don't have real criminals to prosecute in my city?!" Hank and Erin furious but also not worried. "This thing'll go the way of the AG's sinking career!" Voight insisted.

Erin didn't seem worried about it. She'd convinced the fireman it would be gone within the month.

So Mouse was a little confused at the sudden request for information.

He was good at his job, too good. That was why Voight put up with his quirky ways. The things he could do with that computer thingymajiggy just made the older cop shake his head.

"Hmm, that's interesting…" he said aloud, determined to dig deeper. Everything he uncovered on Severide was known to everyone in 51… Renee number one cheated on him just days before their wedding, Tara Little with the bogus sexual misconduct charge. He even uncovered the Renee number two Severide baby that wasn't a Severide after all. The death of his best friend sent him to go off the grid, but he even discovered the little cabin the devastated man escaped to. Interesting to read about the Erin parts… brief but full of drama. Not unexpected that the two had hooked up… lots of similarities.

Mouse went back further, the mystery of the firefighter unfolding on his screen. A dad who would win no Father of the Year awards, and a mother who seemed to be missing that maternal instinct.

He saw a mom who walked out on a teenage son, leaving him to move in with the Sexton's… the family of a high school best friend. But there was a gap… a period of one month where teenage Kelly went off the map. He was withdrawn from school… the records didn't lie. Where did he go?

"Hmmm, you can't escape me and my magic fingers," Mouse said to no one as he dug deeper. It was really his sharp mind that Kelly's past couldn't hide from.

Sealed record. Injured kid… classmate of Kelly's. Really injured kid, like almost died.

"Ha, gotcha!" Mouse said again looking around, realizing he should really stop talking to himself. After his initial excitement of unlocking the mystery, he knew he had to talk to Erin. He wasn't sure if he should turn over the intel no matter how cute his fellow investigator was. "It did happen when he was just a kid," Mouse said out loud again, thinking it was kinda irrelevant now.

Yeah, that not talking to himself was gonna be harder than he thought. He printed out everything, put it in a sealed envelope, labeled it "Madi Gerwitz, AG Office," and took off to find Erin Lindsay.

* * *

"Erin?" she wasn't supposed to be comin' by, on shift. "Everything okay? You okay?" he opened the door wider, grabbing one of her hands running his other hand down the length of her back.

"I'm okay. Really, I am." She loved the feel of his hand running from the back of her head all the way down to her waist.

"What is it? Something's wrong," he sat her on the couch, going to the fridge for a beer. Something told him she didn't want a water.

"And why do you have beer in your refrigerator?" Erin asked, smile creeping across her face.

"This ain't about me. It's about you. Tell me what's eatin' you?" Kelly smiled back, itching to tell her his good news. The ortho said his latest MRI showed a shoulder that was healing, maybe looking at three more months of rehab before he could start thinking about limited duty.

"Well, it kinda is about you," Erin had wrestled with telling him or not. She knew she had to let him know about the ratcheting up of the charges. As much as it pained her, he couldn't be broadsided by this. Not after she'd promised him, yes, promised him those charges would never go anywhere.

"I know," Kelly hung his head. He'd just about convinced himself that Peter Stone had never paid him a visit. He was in some serious denial, a place familiar to the fireman. He traveled there back when he was a kid in high school, again when Shay died, took a little trip there when he was first faced with a daunting recovery.

"What? Why didn't you say anything?" Erin knew the answer. They'd been enjoying their time together, trips to the diner, the park or just laying around. They were growing closer, there was no denying it.

Her last visit two days ago was proof of that. She'd been thinking of nothing else since.

They were throwing a frisbee around at the suggestion of Kelly's ortho, the motion helping his overall motion.

"You throw like shit Lindsay!" Kelly called out chasing down another errant throw. He zipped one back adding, "I mean like a girl!"

Erin let the frisbee go, running at the fireman, wrapping her arms around him in a gentle takedown. They were on the soft grass, Erin's husky laugh sending a chill of excitement down Kelly's spine.

He finally did what he'd wanted to do since he first laid eyes on her in the morning… he drew her into his arms. Laying side by side, her brown eyes looking up toward his, so lovely that she took his breath away. He leaned in to kiss her forgetting they were in a public park, forgetting all his troubles, remembering only this feeling he had with her.

Erin pressed her lips harder into his beautiful mouth, not caring that his hand was easing her T-shirt up her back. Her hips inched closer into him…

He pulled his face away from hers, a little gasp escaping her mouth. "I love…" he whispered.

"GET A ROOM!" echoed on them from above, a loud, booming New York accent of a voice showing down on them.

Their eyes snapped open as their brains snapped back to reality. They were in the park. "Oh, crap!" Erin tugged her shirt down as she stumbled up on her feet.

Kelly was laughing reaching to pull her down again, her dimples making him lose his head. She pulled him up instead, whispering, "Let's get that room."

Erin kissed his forehead, her lips following the bridge of his nose, coming to rest on his mouth.

"That's the best idea you've had in years," Kelly whispered back.

"Years, huh?" That husky laugh was back igniting the fireman into action.

"Let's go."

Two days ago. Could have been a lifetime.

Erin told him about the Mouse investigation. In return, Kelly told her everything. How he beat that boy senseless. How he hadn't wanted to stop. How he felt a rage he'd never felt till that day… had never felt since. How he was sent to the juvenile facility. How his dad got him out. How he vowed he would never do that to another human being again. How it seemed now he'd done worse.

Erin held her breath overwhelmed with a feeling of sadness for Kelly, for the teenager he was describing.

"Yeah, I wasn't even that mad at him. What he said was true. Benny was sleepin' with Mrs. Hutchinson. My mom did leave me." Kelly hung his head the memories of that day rushing back, the feel of that kid's face on his fists. All that rage at what his dad had done, what his mom was doing, her accusations of her own son, "You had to have known what he was doing. You're the same! You will be the same!" All of it pummeling his hands into flesh over and over.

"Miracle I didn't kill that kid."

Erin took Kelly's shaking hands into hers. She lifted his face up with one finger under his chin. The fireman blinked hard then nodded. Tears threatened to come out of the corner of his eyes.

"Hey, we've all done things we're not proud of. And most of us weren't just 16-year-old kids." She wanted to add more, thought about finishing what Kelly had started to say in the park. Instead she led him to the bedroom. "This will never see the light of day. Mouse is burying it."

"I think I would have killed that little shit." Erin whispered into his ear, the last words either would say all night.

Kelly smiled, wishing he would've finished those words at the park.

* * *

The next evening Kelly flipped on the news, absentmindedly watching while going through some of his shoulder exercises. His breath escaped him in a woosh that made his head rush. He sagged against the coffee table, settling on the living room floor. He sat motionless except for the veins bulging at his neck.

The news anchor was talking about a fireman with a vendetta, a fireman with a history of rage, a fireman being charged in the murder of his girlfriend's husband. Phillip Stone was onscreen, briefly commenting "in the light of this new information" they would be prosecuting to the full extent of the law.

Kelly never felt as betrayed in his life.

* * *

 **So, funny side note - the Louie "hole" story really happened with my daughter when she was little.**

 **Not so funny note - yep, going to trial, maybe, uh, jail.**

 **Let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the messages checking on me. Sorry for the delay - real life kicking my butt. :) This one is going way off the reservation. Hope you like it because it's been SO fun to write. And your reviews, your reviews keep me going. Thank you.**

* * *

"You said you were going to bury this so far under, NO ONE could find it!" Erin was screaming in a shrill tone, barely recognizable as coming from her.

"I, uh… I uh, did… don't know…" Mouse stuttered, looking under piles of paper, the floor, the trashcan positioned to the side of his desk.

"Well, explain to me something." Erin's voice now in a tone so low and raspy it resembled Voight's. "Explain to me how the information got to the AG's hands within 24 hours?"

"I don't know. I don't know," Mouse was shuffling around, running a hand through his hair before wiping it across his face. "I left it… left the envelope right here…" He lifted up papers, his keyboard, looking for the envelope he was sure he left on his desk.

Erin stared at Mouse. He wasn't lying… she was sure of that. It made her even more angry. She needed to unleash her fury on someone, so this would not do. She realized she had two choices, keep yelling at a friend, or channel her energies into helping Kelly.

"I'm sorry." She said it quietly, placing her hands on his to quiet the frenzy of his fingers running through every file, every paper on his desk.

Mouse stopped. "No, I'm sorry. I don't know how it got over there."

"What got over where?" Jay asked, walking in on a war zone he would soon want to run away from.

"Nothing. Never mind," Erin snapped, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "It has to do with Kelly's case…"

"Doesn't everything," Halstead mumbled, his own frustrations setting in. This state of limbo had to come to an end. He wanted Erin to make a choice but was also afraid of what that choice might be. She spent much of her off time with the fireman. Was the choice already made?

Jay pushed those thoughts away, and asked "What did Mouse do?"

He listened as Erin revealed the irrelevant Severide intel his old friend had uncovered, wondering where this was going, why Erin was so worked up. Slowly, the cloud lifted.

"Crap," he said, realization setting in. "I took that envelope to the AG's office, saw it on your desk, buddy… thought I was doin' you a favor." Jay shook his head back and forth, hoping his girl would believe him, wishing he'd never seen that envelope. He wanted Erin, but not this way.

The beautiful detective couldn't comprehend the words. A rush of anger rising to the top… but at who or what she had a hard time pinpointing. She couldn't be mad at Jay… it was an honest mistake. But she was mad. Why couldn't Kelly catch a break? One damn break? She felt momentum building against him like a tidal wave that didn't care who it destroyed.

"Erin," Jay broke her thoughts, "you know I wouldn't intentionally…"

"I know," she said without much reassurance. She had to go see a man about an envelope and convince him everything would be alright. He was catching a break… she was making sure of that.

* * *

"What the hell happened?" betrayal all over the fireman's face.

"You know I would never hurt you, Kelly," pain filling the detective's eyes.

"You're sayin' it's a coincidence that the day after I tell you all the shit from my past, ALL the shit, it ends up plastered on the news," the fireman countered not backing down, his voice growing to a low growl.

"Kelly, I would never hurt you," the detective said again, this time almost a whisper.

And the fireman knew that was the truth. Clenched fists turned into hands willing to be held by a pair of softer ones. The man's scowl gave way as his face burrowed into the woman's chest.

* * *

That night was for love. It was for enveloping into each other in a way that left no doubt he was hers and she was his.

"I love you Erin," Kelly said it the minute they stepped into the bedroom. There was no holding back this night.

As Erin led him to the bathroom, she cleared her throat before admitting, "I love you, Kel."

They were beyond the games, beyond the indecision. It was as if they were acting on borrowed time. As much as Erin insisted, "Everything is gonna be alright," something inside said it wasn't.

But tonight, they were closing off the world, escaping all the problems reaching out to touch them, and it was gonna be alright. At least for one night.

Erin started up the shower, turning around to see Kelly had already discarded his jeans. A silly grin on his face; she would never forget that grin. He yanked off his T-shirt with one hand, the motion almost back to normal, shoulder cooperating.

"Let me do that," he said, reaching for the hem of her shirt, guiding it over her head… leaving a tousled mane of hair. "You are so… beautiful," his breath taken from him.

In a rush, Erin pulled off her jeans and panties, almost jumping in the shower with bra still on. Kelly adeptly unhooked it flinging the lacy thing, the toilet its final resting place.

A husky laugh echoed throughout the small bathroom, "Thanks, hero."

"Shit. Sorr…"

"Sshhh, get in," Erin commanded, reaching for the little niche that holds the soap. She lathered it up in her hands.

"Mmmmm," Kelly felt the tension release from his shoulders as slippery hands washed him, working away the knots of a looming trial. Those words they'd spoken settling in, settling him.

Erin let her hands slide down the length of his muscled back, then up again, pressing in closer. She could feel the strength of his longing and it made her weak and full of a wanting of her own.

Kelly pulled her in even tighter, the heat and smell of her washing away any lingering doubt. His hands gliding over the silkened skin of this woman, lost in the beauty of her face. He let out a small moan as her hands slid between his thighs. This must be heaven, he thought as they became one.

Erin slammed against the shower wall, Kelly pressing into her… rhythmically satisfying her every need, body pulsating with pleasure. Erin pulled one leg up as her foot reached for the soap niche, throwing her hips into Kelly harder, his moan becoming louder, animalistic. Erin's eyes were closed as she let out a small cry, her body trembling before relaxing. She was breathing heavily as Kelly's lips met hers. He was out of breath… God, what this woman can do to me.

They slid down to the tile floor, laughing… "The things you do to me," Erin panted out, shaking her wet head as more water rained down on the two.

"The things you do to me," Kelly breathed out, reaching up to turn off the water. "I don't wanna ever leave," he added leaning over to give Erin a big wet kiss.

"We'll freeze to death," she reached out to touch his face, running a finger across his cheek down to his chin.

"Well, I can't let that happen to you," Kelly pulled himself up, stepping out of the shower to grab a fluffy white towel. He opened it up inviting Erin inside.

She stood slowly not feeling the tiniest bit of self consciousness at those piercing blue eyes in obvious awe at her form. She smiled so deeply as she stepped into the towel, letting a pair of strong hands begin to dry her off.

Erin snuggled into Kelly's chest, stopping the motion of his hands. He swallowed her up with the strength of his arms, holding her in so tight, so safe. She was going nowhere. She had the taste of him. She had the feel of his body. They had said things to each other. She was going nowhere that night or ever.

Late into the darkness, Kelly awoke with a start. He immediately felt for the woman next to him. Erin was sleeping peacefully, her breathing soft and steady. There was no sound that woke him up, no bad dream. It was as if he could sense his borrowed time was just about up.

* * *

The trial came and went in a wave of confusion and misunderstandings.

Everyone on team Severide couldn't believe there was a trial. Hell, most of the lawyers working in the AG's office couldn't believe it. Yet, here it was.

Stella testified about the fight, detailing Kelly's struggle to just stay alive. Erin thought things were turning in their favor until Attorney General Dean McCallister began his interrogation of the female firefighter. By the time he was finished, Stella looked like a sex-crazed, unfaithful wife who hopped from one fireman to the next. He sunk a nail in the coffin with his description of how Severide had appeared in her "family residence" after meeting her at the Academy. Then, he sealed the coffin with the simple facts that she hadn't filed for divorce at the time of the "killing," hadn't gotten Grant's key from him, and hadn't in fact even "asked him for a divorce."

"I told him we were done," Stella insisted on the stand, tears streaming down her face.

McCallister spit out that statement by making Kidd tell the jury exactly how many times she had said that before.

The AG was portraying Grant as a betrayed husband simply in a jealous rage who really "couldn't hurt a fly"... Stella's own words coming back to haunt her.

"Don't worry, Kel. Your injuries were not make believe. The fiction this asshole is spewing will be proven false when you take the stand." Erin tried to soothe the worry in Kelly's gut. She rubbed his shoulders as they were on a break, wondering when the last time he went to PT was.

By the time the fireman took the stand to defend himself, he was ready to blow with two days of anger bottled up. He just needed someone to take that bottle cap off. McCallister was ready.

When the AG was finished, Kelly didn't know what hit him. He did know that his famous Severide temper had done him no favors. He'd come across as defiant, argumentative… a total ass. McCallister had him from the moment he mentioned Grant's "slight build" in comparison to Kelly's "muscular frame." He came in with an allegation of sexual misconduct, moved into a string of one night stands, and then ended with a history lesson of how Kelly had gone from Stella to another woman, a detective in the matter of a few months.

"So… I guess it wasn't true love after all. Too bad Grant didn't have the time to wait out your latest conquest. He'd have his wife back."

Kelly went ballistic, calling the AG a "prick," and giving every member of the jury his death stare as he stormed off the stand.

In McCallister's closing statement, he referenced Severide's temper, "We all saw that on display." Then he launched into a history lesson of that anger almost costing a young teen his life, the one Kelly'd beaten to a pulp in high school.

"But now a man is dead. Never coming back. A promising musician whose music has sadly stopped. I'd say it's time to stop his killer, someone who's never lived with any consequences of his actions. Let's put a stop to that today."

No one was surprised when the verdict came back guilty. The only saving grace was that the AG had downgraded the charge to involuntary manslaughter at the onset of the trial.

"You're looking at 10 - 12 months," Kelly's CFD appointed lawyer told him, acting like it was a week at a spa. "Sentencing will be tomorrow. I'll file to have some of your people speak on your behalf."

Severide sat in stunned silence.

"Hey, it could be worse. You can be out in 6 months, maybe less."

Erin let the tears roll down her face, who the hell cares who sees. "This is crazy," she whispered. "We're gonna fight this." She ran her hand across the back of Kelly's neck, stroking it gently.

"Don't cry," he said, a deadness in his eyes. Words were being sputtered out in his direction, but he heard none of it. The guilty verdict, the only thing ringing in his ears. I'm going to jail, the only thing rattling in his brain. Jail.

Grant was dead, maybe he deserved this. Maybe he hadn't ever had consequences. Maybe this was justice.

Erin had her own darkness descending. I repel good things. I deflect happiness. Time and time again and the same thing plays out. We are doomed, Erin decided there and then. Kelly had her same streak of bad luck, apparently a lifelong case of it. She put on a determined face, mainly for the benefit of the distraught firefighter. But nothing in Erin said she believed any of her words of encouragement.

And Kelly knew what he had to do. He had to let her go. She couldn't be with a convicted felon. She was a goddamn cop, he thought. An officer of the law. He knew he wasn't good enough for her and now here was the proof.

The sooner the better. No way in hell was this woman visiting him in that God-forsaken place, worrying about him… waiting for him while he was behind bars. His career was done. This love was done. His life was done.

* * *

 **So, I told you this would get darker. Don't be mad; I gave you a hot Linseride scene! Feeling thankful for y'all and I promise not so long between updates. Let me know what you think.**

 **On a totally separate note, let's all tweet Derek Haas and let him know we want a great Sev storyline, maybe some Sev love, or whatever you're hoping for our favorite fireman. He listens to all those Linstead shippers, so we need to get more vocal. :)**


End file.
